What does it mean to be human?

Philosophers, scientists, and theologians have debated this question for centuries, yet the answer may be simpler—and more unsettling—than we’d like to admit. To live is to face three inescapable truths: the heart suffers, the body serves, and the ego defends.

At first glance, this framework might feel grim. Suffering is universal, self-serving instincts can seem selfish, and ego defense is often exhausting. But these truths are not roadblocks; they are signposts pointing us toward deeper understanding and growth.

Consider this: how you navigate suffering shapes your resilience. How you channel your self-serving instincts defines your relationships. And how you confront your ego determines the depth of your connection to the world around you. These three truths form the foundation of the human condition—and, perhaps, the blueprint for transcendence.

The Heart Suffers: Embracing Life’s Inherent Struggle

“Life is suffering.” The Buddha’s words echo through millennia, underscoring a universal truth: to live is to suffer. From the first gasp of air at birth to the inevitability of death, pain accompanies us at every turn. Whether it’s physical hardship, emotional loss, or existential dread, suffering is not an exception—it’s the rule.

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and the author of Man’s Search for Meaning, understood this intimately. He argued that suffering, while unavoidable, is not meaningless. Instead, how we respond to it defines our character. “When we are no longer able to change a situation,” Frankl wrote, “we are challenged to change ourselves.”

In modern life, suffering manifests in countless ways: the grind of work, the sting of rejection, the ache of loss. We often try to escape it—through distraction, consumption, or avoidance—but suffering persists. Why? Because it’s tied to the very essence of being alive.

The heart suffers because it desires, and those desires often clash with reality. Yet, suffering is not merely a burden; it is an opportunity. It forces us to confront what matters most, to adapt, and to grow. In acknowledging our suffering, we begin to transcend it—not by eliminating pain, but by finding purpose within it.

The Body Serves: The Self-Aware Drive to Self-Serve

If suffering is the heart’s burden, self-serving behavior is the body’s strategy for survival. From an evolutionary standpoint, self-preservation is paramount. As Richard Dawkins explains in The Selfish Gene, our very biology is wired to prioritize survival, even at the expense of others.

Thomas Hobbes echoed this sentiment centuries earlier in Leviathan, describing the natural state of man as one of competition, where life is “nasty, brutish, and short.” Self-awareness, he argued, magnifies this drive, as we become acutely aware of our own needs and vulnerabilities.

This self-serving instinct is neither inherently good nor bad—it’s simply a fact of life. Every choice we make, from the food we eat to the careers we pursue, reflects a prioritization of our needs and desires. Even altruism often stems from self-interest: we help others because it feels good, reduces guilt, or strengthens social bonds.

But the body’s self-serving nature is also its power. It drives us to seek connection, build communities, and innovate solutions to shared problems. The challenge lies in recognizing this instinct and using it wisely—not as a justification for selfishness, but as a foundation for mutual benefit.

Navigating the Human Condition: From Defaults to Transcendence

Suffering, self-serving instincts, and ego defense are not flaws—they are the defaults of the human condition. They form the foundation upon which we build our lives. But they are not the final word.

Awareness is the key. When we acknowledge our suffering, we can transform it into resilience. When we recognize our self-serving instincts, we can channel them into acts of mutual benefit. And when we confront the ego, we can use it as a tool for growth rather than a prison.

This journey is not easy. It requires humility, reflection, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. But it is also profoundly liberating. To live fully is not to escape these truths, but to navigate them with intention and grace.

The heart suffers. The body serves. The ego defends. And through it all, we have the capacity to rise above—not by denying our humanity, but by embracing it in all its complexity.

As the holiday season approaches, it’s the perfect time to reflect on these truths and how they show up in your life. What does your suffering teach you about your values? How do your self-serving instincts shape your relationships with loved ones? And how often does your ego stand in the way of connection and growth?

The holidays often magnify the complexity of being human—moments of joy alongside stress, generosity alongside self-focus. This season, I invite you to observe your defaults without judgment and embrace the beauty in navigating them. Let your suffering remind you of your strength, your self-serving instincts drive you toward kindness, and your ego inspire a little humility.

May this be a season of meaningful reflection, deep connection, and quiet growth. The heart may suffer, the body may serve, and the ego may defend—but in this season of light, may you find hope, peace, and gratitude.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May you embrace the fullness of your humanity and step into the new year with intention and grace.

(I’ll be out for the next few weeks - see you on the other side.)

I hope you have enjoyed these thoughts for your self-examination. See you next week.

-CT

PS. Check out the podcast if you like to listen.

Unrelated Stuff and Things

Below you will find groups, projects, organizations, programs, and cabins I am passionate about and involved in. I hope it doesn’t come off as shameless self-promotion. All the same, they are important to me so I thought I would share. Feel free to skip them if you like.

Feeling Generous?

Counseling for the Future Foundation and Grant Halliburton Foundation are two amazing non-profits doing some great work in the field of Mental Health. You can help make a difference by giving your time, empathy, and financial support. Learn more by clicking the logos below.

A few things related to mental health:

Check out our latest mental health post on the TCG blog, and learn more about the Empifany app, the Titus Check-In System, and our newly developed Independently Strong course.

The Independently Strong course is designed specifically for spouses or partners who have experienced trauma or abuse within relationships with individuals struggling with substance use disorder. Covering topics such as trauma bonds, identifying characteristics of healthy relationships, understanding the impacts of unhealthy dynamics, boosting self-esteem to align decisions with personal values, establishing boundaries, engaging in self-awareness exercises, and delving into various other crucial aspects, this comprehensive program offers essential guidance and support for healing and empowerment. Learn more about the course here.

Need a Break?

We love going to Broken Bow. It has been a special place for me for a long time and it has been a dream to share this beautiful place with my kids. If you are interested in treating yourself to some relaxing away time up in the pines of Broken Bow feel free to book one of our cabins. There is no greater retreat than the woods.

Okay! That’s all I got. Feel free to send me an email. Anything I can do for you?