No… Bear Bryant was not my pee-wee football coach. But Walt sure as hell looked like him.

We all wish we could tell our younger selves things. Maybe we could avoid some horrid tragedy or improve our lives. What would you do if you could chat with ten-year-old you? Oh, young Chris, there is so much I want to warn you about… and yet, tragically, I cannot. This is a story about manhood.

The Gators

Growing up in Florida is similar to growing up in Texas. We love football, guns, girls, beer, wave runners, and, of course, gators. When I was old enough, the way of things dictated that pee-wee football was next up for me. I don’t recall the exact age I started playing, but I vividly remember wearing full pads and charging the field at age ten.

The Gators! That was my team, and our leader was Coach Walt. He had a huge truck. The kind that was lifted with massive tires and mud splattered all over the side. My teammates loved it. I just got sick in the back. Not really my thing. I was a “city boy,” as my cousin described me.

Football was tough for me. I never really felt like I fit in. I was good enough for pee-wee, though. I played left tackle for a while and then center at some point. I survived a few rough hits and a concussion or two. “Walk it off!” That’s always what he yelled. It never felt right for me. But I wanted to fit in. So I got up, walked it off, and got back in the game.

It made me tough! I got hurt, and I rubbed some dirt on it. I got the wind knocked out of me, and I got back up. I got pushed—I pushed back. I was a Gator! I was mean.

That wasn’t me. I wish so badly I could help him see that now. That I could tell that stupid young kid - none of that matters, and none of it will matter. But I had to learn that lesson a different way.

Walt wanted to teach us how to be men. He needed us to be tough. No matter the price, victory was the goal. No, it wasn’t “The Junction Boys” tough- a great movie nonetheless. It was pee-wee but still tough for a ten-year-old. This is what I was told to be, how to be, how to live, how to act. It wasn’t just a fun game to play with friends. It was survival. It was brutal. It was bull shit.

SPS

Sensory Processing Sensitivity is not a condition but rather a genetic development. It is not a question of cure but rather one of acceptance and understanding. I, like many others who carry this gene, struggle with acceptance and manhood.

The following is from a research paper published in 2021:

Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells, and chaotic environments! Yeah… it seems like football is the perfect place for the SPS gene.

This was the 90s, though, and the definition of manhood was far from sensitive. Not only that, but the research around the SPS gene wouldn’t be published for some time. Even today, the research is considered infantile.

Walt did what he thought was best. He made men out of us boys. Tough, tough men, men that could take a hit and hit back. Men that could do the hard thing and win, no matter the cost.

When I aged out of pee-wee, I tried out for the middle school football team. And as you know from previous blogs, I was only one of two kids cut from the team. Apparently, not tough enough. This was a hard part of life for me. As a kid, you can only see a few hours, maybe a few days, into the future. All you are is what is in front of you. A fragile world built on the fleeting sands of approval.

High school was rough and good. It had its ups and downs, and life was like that for a while. And then… one day, enjoying a quiet lunch at a regular restaurant on a Thursday afternoon about three years ago, I came across a Psychology Today post. Thirteen-blah blah blah (you know how these things are titled, total clickbait)- Highly Sensitive Person- blah. Spoiler alert…. I clicked.

Radical Change

Have you ever had something happen in your life that was so radical that you couldn’t really understand the gravity of it at the moment? That was this moment for me.

Sitting alone eating my lunch (burger, no bun, sweat potato fries—yeah, that makes it healthy), I read a list of thirteen things that described me exactly. So perfectly, in fact, that I sent the list to my wife, asking her if this list sounded familiar. She replied, “Why are you describing yourself?”

The SPS gene is bi-nomial (it presents equity in males and females), has been identified in well over two hundred species, and represents about ten to twenty percent of the population. When presented in humans, we refer to this genetic trait as being a Highly Sensitive Person. I am a Highly Sensitive Person or HSP. It’s a pretty cool thing, really.

Here is the fancy science of how it works:

The amygdala, a key player in emotional regulation, often shows heightened responsiveness, which might contribute to the intense experiences and strong emotional reactions that highly sensitive people often report. The SPS brain is finely tuned to its environment, with a complex network that allows for greater awareness and emotional depth. This understanding of SPS not only highlights the unique strengths of sensitivity but also offers insights into how highly sensitive individuals navigate the world around them.

There is real evidence (fMRI scans, cognitive tests, psychological evaluations) that clearly shows how the SPS brain receives, processes, and responds to stimuli in a very different way than most others. In some cases, an HSP has been noted to have such deep levels of empathy that they could feel the emotions of another more deeply than that person could experience them themselves.

Somehow, I made it out of grad school and my doctoral program without learning about the wonderful mind of an HSP. But learned I did, and it was not too late to find radical change in my life. I don’t rub dirt anymore. I don’t walk it off anymore. I take time to honor and process my emotions. I take time to reflect and enjoy. As my friend Matt likes to say, “The bird didn’t shit on my windshield; the bird just shit.” I remind myself that it isn’t about me but that these are emotions I am receiving - a gift for me to process, to understand, and to learn from.

If this post resonates with you or if it reminds you of someone, check out the original HSP Self-Test here. You might just learn soemthing amazing about yourself or someone you love.

As for me, the burden now comes down to legacy. My daughter, Ella, has this genetic development. Now, here is me, a father, unprepared to raise a daughter. It falls to me to give guidance and love to this young HSP, which she so fully deserves (as she is slamming doors screening “where is the tiny glue?”). There is so much I wish I could tell you, young Chris. Tragically, I cannot. But I will pass this wisdom on as best I can.

I hope you have enjoyed these thoughts for your self-examination. See you next week.

-CT

PS. Check out the podcast if you like to listen.

Unrelated Stuff and Things

Below you will find groups, projects, organizations, programs, and cabins I am passionate about and involved in. I hope it doesn’t come off as shameless self-promotion. All the same, they are important to me so I thought I would share. Feel free to skip them if you like.

Feeling Generous?

Counseling for the Future Foundation and Grant Halliburton Foundation are two amazing non-profits doing some great work in the field of Mental Health. You can help make a difference by giving your time, empathy, and financial support. Learn more by clicking the logos below.

A few things related to mental health:

Check out our latest mental health post on the TCG blog, and learn more about the Empifany app, the Titus Check-In System, and our newly developed Independently Strong course.

The Independently Strong course is designed specifically for spouses or partners who have experienced trauma or abuse within relationships with individuals struggling with substance use disorder. Covering topics such as trauma bonds, identifying characteristics of healthy relationships, understanding the impacts of unhealthy dynamics, boosting self-esteem to align decisions with personal values, establishing boundaries, engaging in self-awareness exercises, and delving into various other crucial aspects, this comprehensive program offers essential guidance and support for healing and empowerment. Learn more about the course here.

Need a Break?

We love going to Broken Bow. It has been a special place for me for a long time and it has been a dream to share this beautiful place with my kids. If you are interested in treating yourself to some relaxing away time up in the pines of Broken Bow feel free to book one of our cabins. There is no greater retreat than the woods.

Okay! That’s all I got. Feel free to send me an email. Anything I can do for you?