Has life ever been mean to you? Have you felt its cold indifference? Life, it seems, has this progression. I hesitate to call it a plan. But, to me, it seems like something set on a course. A chain of reactions. A chemical process of malcontent. And as far as I can tell, it cares very little about me.

I suppose indifference doesn’t really make life mean. More just apathetic. And yet, these last few weeks have felt rather mean. Hell, these last few years, really. COVID was weird. There was a lot of new, unknown, anxious energy in our world. 2020 was a wild and weird year. But what has followed has felt more mean than anything else.

My job is interesting. I’m a classically trained existential psychotherapist by trade, but I’m a CEO by occupation. Now, I spent a great many years in school studying philosophy, psychology, counseling, and the human condition. I have very real training and experience in my craft, and I am not afraid to admit that I am a very good therapist. Yet, I do very little therapy.

Conversely, I have zero training in how to be a CEO. I have no business education, have never taken a formal leadership course, have no MBA, and have no experience at any other company. And yet, this is what takes up most of my days. Don’t get me wrong; I love what I get to do every day. I love the people I get to serve. I love the company I have built. Still, it is an odd thing.

Teddy said it best. “Far and away, the best prize life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” In this way, I am blessed to work alongside some amazing people whom I admire deeply, and together, we get to do some truly wonderful things.

Now, on to the mean part of it all…

The Alchemist

There are a handful of books that have heavily influenced my life. The Meditations, Plato’s Republic, Don Quixote, and The Alchemist. But of these, The Alchemist holds a special place deep in my heart. As I, too, am a boy, lost in the world.

If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend doing so — until then, spoiler alert. The book follows the journey of a boy — it is a brutal reminder of how life doesn’t pull its punches. Every time he thinks he’s getting closer to his treasure, life hits him hard, knocking him down again and again. First, he sells his sheep, believing in a dream, only to be robbed in a foreign land. Just when he rebuilds his life and thinks he’s moving forward, the universe shifts, forcing him into the desert—a place that could break anyone.

Then there’s the betrayal. He trusts people and opens up to the possibility that he’s on the right path, only to have his plans shattered. Every lesson costs him something—time, energy, belief. Even when he finally reaches the pyramids, he’s beaten and almost left for dead. But each time the boy gets knocked down, he rises with a new understanding. He learns that the treasure isn’t some external reward but the knowledge and growth that comes from picking yourself up after every fall.

Life is mean, no doubt. It’ll chew you up, spit you out, and dare you to try again. But like the boy, if you keep moving forward, you find that the treasure you’re really after was inside you all along. It’s not about escaping the hits; it’s about finding your strength in them.

To put it simply, we fall down so that we might learn to pick ourselves back up.

The Last Few Years

Like the boy, I, too, am on this journey. I sold my sheep in 2008 and moved to Dallas, not knowing a soul. I had just enough money to make it a few months. Thankfully, this was enough time to get settled and find a job. I built a life and laid the foundation of a career. And then I had this crazy idea. An idea that everyone said wouldn’t work. I started Taylor Counseling Group in 2015. This is when I entered the desert. My universe shifted.

Ten years in higher education. I spent a full decade studying people, behavior, thought patterns, and therapy. I’m an expert in people. But not one class on how to run a company. They don’t teach us business in counseling school. It’s just not on the menu. I wish they would. I wish I had been prepared for the deep isolation you feel when owning a company.

Between 2017 and 2019, TCG experienced massive growth. We grew from a dozen to fifty and are now above seventy. We went from a few offices to a dozen. We went from DFW to Waco, Austin, Houston, and San Antonio. And the larger we got, the smaller and more alone I felt. Life was mean to me in this way. It took from me freedoms and friendships and gave me serious responsibilities and heavy burdens.

2021 was the first time life really punched me in the face (the first time I was actually punched in the face was in high school at the bus stop by a kid named Brandon, but that is a story for another time). COVID was weird, but what followed was just mean. 2021, 2022, and 2023 were the most difficult. I found a CEO/Entrepreneur group, which really helped me to grow and to come into my own as a business owner. I felt less alone but still not at home.

Hyperinflation is deadly in the mental health world. TCG lives in a fixed market. We pride ourselves on providing affordable mental health care, and we take all major insurances. We don’t set the price for our services; the insurance companies do. Some are fair, while others are less so. My people deserve better; they deserve more, and so I fight to give it to them.

The Last Few Weeks

Fighting. That’s the easiest way to describe my life as of late. I feel like most of what I do each day is just fighting. I fight with insurance companies, I fight for my employees (and with them at times), I fight with vendors, and even with our patients. I have grown more cynical over the last few years. Fighting… so exciting.

Have you ever been taken advantage of? I must have been sixteen or seventeen. Blockbuster was the best job ever. Oh yes, Blockbuster. Do you remember going to check out movies and getting some snacks? It was just the best; you would go with the family, walk around, pick out your movies, get some great snacks, and head out to dinner or just back home for movie night. It was THE THING to do in my family. We loved it. When I got older, I thought it was such a fun job. Helping people find movies. Plus, I got the movies a week early.

Friday and Saturday nights would get pretty busy. I worked the floor and as a cashier. The floor was more fun, but the cashier was great, too. Sometimes, the line would get so long that you would feel rushed, and customers would get annoyed, but that was just part of it. One Friday, on a particularly busy night, a big-time movie just dropped, so everyone wanted it, and the store was packed. This one man was checking out and pulled a fast one on me. With everything going on, I was distracted, and when I gave him the total, he said he already gave me the money. Somehow, I didn’t recall, and so I gave him his change. The guy never paid, though - it was a scam. Now, this was back in the 90s, so most people paid in cash - it was just a busy night, and I made a mistake. What a jerk.

The past few weeks have felt like that. Calling an employee out for lying is never fun, but we’ve had it happen. They said they were “working” but just didn’t and then wanted to get paid all the same. It is sad when you fight for someone, and they choose to abuse you and take advantage of your kindness. Having to fight with vendors is no fun thing, either. Empty promises filled with under-delivering. All the stuff I hate. Yet, all the same, this is life.

I suppose we are all the heroes of our own stories. I’m sure that guy at Blockbuster was just thinking he was sticking it to the man. A “greedy” company that overcharged him with late fees. He probably didn’t realize that came out of my paycheck. That employee probably thought they were doing the best they could for themselves and their family. And that vendor, I’m sure, believes they are doing their best or trying to hit their required goal. I don’t know these to be true but they do help me sleep at night.

The bird did not shit on MY windshield. That bird just had to go. And so I don’t take it personally. I know that life has been mean to me. I can only wonder how mean it has been mean to you. All I can do is be curious, not judgmental. All I can do is be kind… because life is mean enough; it doesn’t need my help. All I can do is choose to love.

What I learned:

Life is mean enough—it doesn’t need my help. Choose to be kind and to meet others with kindness as much as possible. Life has been mean to them as well.

The bird didn’t shit on my windshield; it just had to go.

Be curious, not judgmental.

Choose love above all else.

None of these are easy things, mind you… life is mean, after all.

I hope you have enjoyed these thoughts for your self-examination. See you next week.

-CT

Unrelated Stuff and Things

Below you will find groups, projects, organizations, programs, and cabins I am passionate about and involved in. I hope it doesn’t come off as shameless self-promotion. All the same, they are important to me so I thought I would share. Feel free to skip them if you like.

Feeling Generous?

Counseling for the Future Foundation and Grant Halliburton Foundation are two amazing non-profits doing some great work in the field of Mental Health. You can help make a difference by giving your time, empathy, and financial support. Learn more by clicking the logos below.

A few things related to mental health:

Check out our latest mental health post on the TCG blog, and learn more about the Empifany app, the Titus Check-In System, and our newly developed Independently Strong course.

The Independently Strong course is designed specifically for spouses or partners who have experienced trauma or abuse within relationships with individuals struggling with substance use disorder. Covering topics such as trauma bonds, identifying characteristics of healthy relationships, understanding the impacts of unhealthy dynamics, boosting self-esteem to align decisions with personal values, establishing boundaries, engaging in self-awareness exercises, and delving into various other crucial aspects, this comprehensive program offers essential guidance and support for healing and empowerment. Learn more about the course here.

Need a Break?

We love going to Broken Bow. It has been a special place for me for a long time and it has been a dream to share this beautiful place with my kids. If you are interested in treating yourself to some relaxing away time up in the pines of Broken Bow feel free to book one of our cabins. There is no greater retreat than the woods.

Okay! That’s all I got. Feel free to send me an email. Anything I can do for you?