Have you ever believed something about yourself that just wasn’t so? Imagine if professionals and teachers told you something about yourself, but they got it wrong. Now imagine that you learned this information about yourself at a young age. How would that frame your self-esteem, self-talk, and future self?

I have never won a spelling bee. In fact, since we are being transparent here, I just had to look up how to spell ‘spelling bee.’ It sounds simple enough, right? But then I got to thinking…. Wait-is it really ‘bee’ or is there some sneaky grammar thing at work here? Nowadays, it’s not a big deal; I’ve got my three friends to keep me in the clear. I’ve got Grammarly on all my devices, my buddy ChatGPT will proofread anything for me, and (the big one) I really don’t care what you think. I’m not writing this for you. Now, that last one took me about 38 years to figure out.

Six years old. That’s how old you are when teachers start raising concerns about your language skills. That’s how old I was when I learned that I was dumb. In second grade, I learned that I couldn’t spell - I earned my first (spoiler alert, not my last) F in school. Funny how memory works; the only thing I recall about second grade is that lovely F in spelling/grammar/whatever and a paper mache manatee (had to look up both of those words).

It was around 3rd or 4th grade when I was officially placed in special education and labeled with a ‘learning disability’ - this was the 90s, you know, we didn’t say difference or challenge. My brain had a disability. It doesn’t really matter how you phrase it to a kid. And yeah, they tried. They would tell me I was smart, that I just needed a little more time than others, that I was normal, that nothing was wrong with me, etc. Parents and teachers were super friendly about it. But it didn’t matter. As a kid, you just don’t hear any of that. All you know is that a kid on the playground said you are dumb. So I was dumb.

Dyslexia

This is no joke. It wasn’t until college that I found out I was dyslexic. A friend of mine was watching me write something and asked me why I wrote my ‘Es’ backward. In my mind, that was just how you wrote an ‘e.’ But now that I think about it, it does look a lot like a ‘6.’

I rejected this idea heavily at first. Nothing wrong with me. That’s just an easy way to write an E, my man. It wasn’t until recently that it clicked. Watching my daughter write letters backward and spell simple words oddly — just as I would. Yeah…. I’m dyslexic; that’s a fact, not a definition.

My dad was always against evaluation unless absolutely necessary. He said it was about protecting my future (military) career. But really, I think he was protecting me. I like to think he didn't want it to define me, and so it didn’t. Never got the chance, really. All the same, I was this kid, scared, being told he was slow, dumb, or needed more time — it didn’t matter. I was not like you. I didn’t learn like you. So fine. Whatever. I just worked harder than you.

Never Be The Smartest Person

Top ten in high school. 2.7 GPA at Texas A&M; okay, that was about a girl and some deep life stuff… also, Northgate. Graduated with honors, top of my class in grad school. First to graduate in my PhD program with a landmark study on the application of social learning theory to family drug court programs. I helped build the first family drug court program in Dallas during that time. I built a company from scratch, now one of the largest mental health care providers in Texas. TCG racked up several awards along the way, including Top 100 Best Places to Work, according to Dallas Business Journal, and The Most Meaningful Place to Work in all of DFW. Not to mention Dallas 100, Aggie 100, and D Magazine 40 under 40. There are about a dozen other awards in there, but this is not a story about awards — this is a story about being dumb.

I’ve learned a lot since 2015. I had this crazy idea… you know, after I got over the fact that I was dumb. I thought it was a good idea to start a company. Not a practice. No, it's not just me and a few others doing some therapy. But a company. I wanted to build something BIG, something impactful. I was told by many very smart people that I was crazy and that what I wanted to build just couldn’t work.

So I did what any dumb, crazy person would do — I did it anyway. I got to thinking I was more intelligent than most. That my disabilities were gifts of perspective, that I could see things others couldn’t. And I could… and I did… for a while. And then, one day, I was the smartest person in the room. And that was when I realized I had a real problem. TCG went from a few hundred thousand in annual revenue to a few million in revenue in just a few short years. Massive growth came with huge problems. Problems I couldn’t solve alone.

Help is Only as Far Away as You Make It

As it turns out, there is an army of people out there who want you to succeed. You just haven’t met them yet. I joined this business group for CEOs/Entrepreneurs, which changed my life. For the first time in a long time, I stepped into a room of brilliant people… and I was dumb once again.

They shared with me deep wisdom, challenge, and knowledge. And they gave it all freely, with love. Learning from them was a gift that pushed me to grow to new heights.

So yeah, I’m dumb in some ways. You should never ask me how to spell a word. I will never win a spelling bee, and I still see words and letters jumbled in my mind. All the same, I’ve had the distinct pleasure in life of helping more than a few people through the roughest parts of their lives. I know the value of hard work, and I know I can and will work harder than any of you. I strive never to be the smartest person in the room, and I seek to love deeply.

All this is to say that whatever the issue is in your life— it doesn’t define you. You are NOT the victim here. You are simply a fellow traveler. If you need help, it’s here. You just have to seek it out. Push yourself harder, and you will find better. Seek to be dumb; seek others smarter than yourself. They will guide you well.

Here’s what I’ve learned from 39 years of being dumb:

Have you ever been told something about yourself that just isn’t so? If so, good, use that fuel to build a fire and make something brighter.

Never let yourself be a victim. Nothing defines you unless you choose to be defined by it.

If you ever find yourself to be the smartest person in the room, find a new room.

Help is only as far away as you allow it to be.

Seek to be dumb, my friend… regale in the knowledge of those around you, work hard, and push yourself to new heights.

I hope you have enjoyed these thoughts for your self-examination. See you next week.

-CT

Unrelated Stuff and Things

Below you will find groups, projects, organizations, programs, and cabins I am passionate about and involved in. I hope it doesn’t come off as shameless self-promotion. All the same, they are important to me so I thought I would share. Feel free to skip them if you like.

Feeling Generous?

Counseling for the Future Foundation and Grant Halliburton Foundation are two amazing non-profits doing some great work in the field of Mental Health. You can help make a difference by giving your time, empathy, and financial support. Learn more by clicking the logos below.

A few things related to mental health:

Check out our latest mental health post on the TCG blog, and learn more about the Empifany app, the Titus Check-In System, and our newly developed Independently Strong course.

The Independently Strong course is designed specifically for spouses or partners who have experienced trauma or abuse within relationships with individuals struggling with substance use disorder. Covering topics such as trauma bonds, identifying characteristics of healthy relationships, understanding the impacts of unhealthy dynamics, boosting self-esteem to align decisions with personal values, establishing boundaries, engaging in self-awareness exercises, and delving into various other crucial aspects, this comprehensive program offers essential guidance and support for healing and empowerment. Learn more about the course here.

Need a Break?

We love going to Broken Bow. It has been a special place for me for a long time and it has been a dream to share this beautiful place with my kids. If you are interested in treating yourself to some relaxing away time up in the pines of Broken Bow feel free to book one of our cabins. There is no greater retreat than the woods.

Okay! That’s all I got. Feel free to send me an email. Anything I can do for you?